When I met my Husband his kids were 6, 5, 3 and 0 (ok, 10 months, but 0 sounds better). The 3-year-old was affectionate and pretty cute and I thought, 'this child is going to be so easy to love!' Wrong.
When I was a mid-single, I once offered to babysit as a prize for a Relief Society auction. The sister who won had 4 kids and the youngest was 3 and when I was babysitting I was convinced the 3-year-old was possessed by Satan. He was not only belligerent but violent. His older siblings just ignored him and were really helpful to me and this kid just seemed like the odd-man out. I know now from my awesome 2 years of experience that he was probably seeking attention and felt confused and left out - but even with this as an excuse - he was a complete terror/jerk/ idiot. The next day I was talking to a friend who had a ton of kids to ask her if it was possible that this child was demon spawn. No, she said, something happens when they turn 3 and they leave you and go into this really difficult stage but they'll come back to you after a year. She was so zen about it. I tucked this away for the next time someone asked me to babysit and if a 3-year-old was involved, I'd decline.
Now here I was with a soon-to-be step child who was in the middle of being 3 and this child was a complete psycho. I couldn't stand this child. I'd think of the scriptures when the Savior said in Matthew (18:6) "But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that we were drowned int he depth of the sea." I am NOT trying to make light of the Savior's words but I kept thinking, does this apply to me? This child is nightmare and all I want to do is spank this child (NOTE: I have Never physically disciplined the children and I never will.) Children in the scriptures were supposed to be our examples and they were going to inherit the Celestial Kingdom, not me. But, did the Savior really know how awful kids could be? Again, I'm not making a joke of His words, I genuinely struggled with this - like with tears and prayers.
I had seen my nieces and nephews and friends' kids have mini tantrums which, I get it, are normal. But this child was manipulative and would hurt their older and younger siblings (as much as a puny 3 year-old could, I guess). I wanted justice and progress and I was getting neither. My husband would baby the child when they were being extra naughty and the child's behavior seemed to get worse. I felt like I was in Crazy Town. Did no one see what this little jerk was doing and saying?
Luckily, when the child hit 4 I noticed a change in behavior that had me thanking Heavenly Father in my prayers (literally). I have since noticed though, this child is naughtier than the others and my husband thinks this is still cute, but I have my eye on them.
When the child is yours (adopted or birthed) you have a history with them, you've seen them go from helpless baby to curious toddler and then turn into a little devil child, so it's easier to remember the adorable times and remind yourself this is just a phase (hopefully). When you're thrown into it - you want to pull your hair out and just be mean back to the kid.
I survived by removing myself from the situation (I used to leave the room all the time, especially at bedtime or nap time). And reminding myself of my friend's words, that this was a phase and they'll come back to you when they hit 4. And now we have another child hitting 3 and I can already see this child leave us and slowly creep into their own version of Crazy Town. It's not easy but it is SLIGHTLY better, especially since this child was a really good 1- and 2-year-old. And I pray a lot for very specific help; 'help me to remember this is just a phase and to be patient and love this child because this is really hard.'
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